


Lover of Mine

by Carmenlire



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 5 Times, 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Assassins & Hitmen, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Medieval, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, POV Alec Lightwood, Period-Typical Homophobia, Red String of Fate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:15:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23405128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carmenlire/pseuds/Carmenlire
Summary: His last thought before everything changes is how he wishes he could be a different person-- a man free to love as he yearns, someone who could answer Magnus’s silent plea with anything else but rejection.Or, in every life Alec is asked a question. It takes awhile for him to find the right answer.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 12
Kudos: 205





	Lover of Mine

Alec stares, unseeing, at the sea of glinting silver before him. Instead of rolling green hills and the daily monotony of life, it’s eerily silent.

Alec’s never felt more alone.

He doesn’t startle at the voice behind him, merely keeps his attention focused on the legion of men marching toward him in their chainmail, weapons held aloft. He imagines that, if he could see their expressions, it would be a cast of smug confidence.

Their closest allies are two day’s ride away.

“My lord,” calls out a quiet voice. “You called for me?”

Without looking up, Alec asks, “Have you secured the servants and their families?”

He hears his bodyguard pause on the threshold, can feel the intensity of his considering gaze as he finally answers. “I have. The only people still on the premises are our soldiers.”

Alec smiles but it’s faint and a dozen shades of grim. “And those of our enemy.”

“My lord, I beg of you, won’t you reconsider--”

“Magnus,” Alec calls out tiredly. He finally casts his eyes away from the imminent carnage below to look at his bodyguard, his most trusted advisor after all these years. “I beg of you, let’s not allow formality between us at this last hour.”

Magnus’s expression shifts several times before it lands on heartbreakingly honest. “Alexander,” he whispers and a part of Alec thinks that it must be magic, the way the soft words reach him. “You are to be king. A king never leads the charge.”

Turning to face Magnus completely, Alec ignores the world for a moment longer. He allows himself this small retreat and loses himself for the thousandth time in warm brown eyes he knows as well as his own.

“That is not the king I’m to be, Magnus.” He laughs but it’s bitter. “It appears I’m not to be king at all.”

“Don’t say that,” Magnus snaps. “It is my responsibility as your bodyguard to keep you out of harm’s way. I can ready the horses and we can go through the tunnels right now--use the secret corridors and be at Herondale’s fort in two days. There are no innocents to slaughter, Alexander. We can leave Aldertree’s men confounded and return with a force to overwhelm him.”

For a moment-- just a moment, for that’s all he’ll ever have when it comes to Magnus-- Alec allows himself to think about it. He could come back commandeering an army that would smite Valentine’s men like the rats they are.

That’s never been his style, however, and he sees in Magnus’s eyes that there was really never any other way this could end.

“Come here, Magnus.”

Magnus stays still for a moment in the only rebellion he’ll ever give Alec before he’s walking across the room. In Magnus’s eyes, Alec sees everything he could have had in another life and everything he’s giving up in this one.

His throat aches at the surrender even as he chastises himself for putting personal feeling above his duty.

“I am an honorable man, Magnus, and an honorable man would never leave his soldiers to die at the hands of a madman unconcerned with the casualties of war. I will lead my men into the fight of our lives and should we die, we’ll die with honor.”

Magnus’s voice is broken as he hoarsely mutters, “For once in your life, I wish you would be selfish, Alexander.” Bitterness and the slightest edge of hate drag through his tone as he offers in vain, “We could run away, you and I. We could settle down in a village far away and be no more than Sir Alec and Magnus.”

Alec laughs, just a little. “I could open a small bookshop and you could establish a bakery. Our existence would be so simple.”

“But happy,” Magnus replies softly. “And most importantly, we’d be alive.”

Alec turns away from the tears he sees in Magnus’s eyes to the fields below. Valentine’s men are getting closer and there’s no time.

There’s never enough blasted time.

“I have to go, Magnus. I will give it my best try and hope to the gods that it’s enough.”

Magnus, too, looks outside and Alec watches as his expression hardens into the warrior he’s carved himself into. 

He nods once. Without looking at Alec, Magnus says, “I will follow you anywhere, my lord. Even if it’s to your own funeral.”

“Remember me fondly?”

There’s a moment that seems to freeze them together in this macabre tableau. They are nothing more than two men, a would-be king and his trusted advisor.

They could be so much more, though, and in this moment separate from reality Alec can imagine the taste of Magnus’s lips against his and just how sweet selfishness would taste.

Time speeds up, however, and before he’s quite ready, Alec is leading Magnus down to the castle’s foyer.

And then he’s standing in the bright sunshine as scores of men march toward him awaiting their commander’s call.

His last thought before the heat of battle is how he wishes he could be a different person-- a man free to love as he yearns, someone who could answer Magnus’s silent plea with anything else but rejection.

Alec takes the punch that fairly cracks his jaw and retaliates with his own wicked roundhouse kick. The man in front of him groans low and vicious satisfaction courses through him at the the sound.

“Give it up, Bane,” Alec pants as he takes a step back. 

Magnus, for his part, shakes his hair out of his eyes to level Alec with a glare. “Now, why would I want to do that, darling? This is my assignment and I refuse to let the assholes at Idris Inc. take my payday.”

Wary, Alec slides his gun out of its holster. He holds it idly and knows that Magnus’s sharp eyes haven’t missed it. “I have my orders,” is the only thing Alec offers. “They don’t include letting a rogue assassin take over the mission. Walk away, Bane.”

“No can do, Alexander.” Magnus smiles pleasantly and Alec imagines if they met on the street, he’d never be able to see the darkness that hides behind his eyes. “We could work together, you know?”

Alec recoils at the offer, taking a sharp step back. “What the fuck?” He sneers. “Why would I ever work with someone like you?”

Magnus huffs. “You’re lucky I don’t rescind the invitation with that attitude.” His smile curves wickedly. “Maybe, Alexander, you’d want to work with me because you’re being played the fool.”

“What’s your angle, Magnus?” Alec lowers his guard imperceptibly, intrigued despite himself and Magnus’s bold claim.

“No angle, darling. I’m just saying-- things at Idris Inc. haven’t always been above reproach. In certain circles, they’ve never managed to clean themselves up.” Magnus pauses for a moment and his next question leaves Alec reeling. “Haven’t you ever wondered what happened to your parents? They were Idris’s best couple and then one day, just-- poof. They disappeared, never to be heard from again. Don’t you think it’s suspicious that an organization such as the one they swore their allegiance couldn’t find them?”

“What the hell, Magnus? How do you know about my parents?”

Magnus raises his hands in an appeasing gesture and looks at Alec from beneath his lashes. He’s equal parts coy and lethal and Alec doesn’t know what to believe. “Your parents disappeared after a mission gone ostensibly wrong. There’s a lot of threads hanging loose, Alexander, if you know where to pull.”

“You’re lying. You’re just trying to drag me down to your level.”

Magnus shrugs but his focus doesn’t leave Alec’s. “I’m offering an olive branch of sorts. I’ll help you, if you like. Let me have this client and I’ll help you find answers. We could be a great team, darling.”

Unsure but unwilling to throw away everything he’s ever known, Alec barely thinks as he brings the gun up until it’s pointed at Magnus’s chest. “You have to be lying, Bane. I don’t like when people underestimate me.”

For the first time, uncertainty flickers in Magnus’s eyes but he holds steady. “I’m not playing games, Alec. Camille means more to me than she ever will to Idris. Let me take care of her and then I’ll help you find out what dirty secrets Idris has been keeping from you and your family.”

Alec pauses for a long moment and it seems like the room seems to draw its own breath, anxious and still. Something niggles in the back of his mind, whispers about the Lightwood legacy and rumors that Idris’s hands haven’t always been so pristine.

Still. Alec’s dedicated his entire life to the organization. Loyalty to Idris is ingrained and it will take more than a smooth talking rival to make Alec’s world crumble.

Magnus proposed a partnership but Alec’s always worked alone. It’s with that newfound conviction that Alec steels his resolve and does something he should’ve had the guts to do all those months ago when he first ran into the man.

He’d entertained the possibility of something more for far longer than was either wise or appropriate. Bane had become his own thread and Alec was finally ready to cut him loose.

He looks into Magnus’s eyes and pulls the trigger.

“I’m getting married,” Alec says softly. He tosses back the rest of his whiskey and relishes the burn. He tries to pretend that it drowns out the choked gasp he hears behind him.

“What?”

Without looking behind him, Alec repeats, “I’m getting married. My family’s situation has only grown more dire since the war broke out and my parents have found a suitable match with the daughter of a manufacturing company in America. She is on a steamboat to Britain as we speak.”

“I thought you were planning to remain a bachelor for all your days?”

Alec grins wryly. “Plans have a way of changing, Magnus. You should know that better than anyone else.”

He hears his best friend take a single step closer before he’s asking, in a voice that makes Alec want to take back every wretched word he’s ever said to cause Magnus pain, “I can take care of you, Alexander. You don’t have to do this.”

Turning around, Alec makes his way back behind his desk and braces his hands on it as he lets his head fall down until the only thing he can see is the mess scattered across the polished wood. “I can’t let you do that.”

“Why not? Give me one good reason, Alec. I have more than enough money to keep you afloat, however long you need it.”

Alec raises his head. “And how would it look if word ever got out, huh? Magnus Bane, shipping magnate, whose tastes are known to run rather _unusual_ helping elusive bachelor Lightwood with his finances. I won’t be some man’s whore, Magnus. Especially yours.”

Fire ignites Magnus’s eyes as he crosses the room to lean across the desk from Alec. “Especially me? What the fuck is that supposed to mean? We’ve been best friends since we were children. We went to Eton and Oxford together. Our estates neighbor each other. If anyone make any queries-- which I highly doubt-- everything can be explained away by our fraternal relationship.”

Alec sighs and sits down, the fight leaving him abruptly as he gestures for Magnus to take a seat as well. “I have a family to think about. Jace and Izzy and Max, they all still need to find matches and that means the Lightwood name has to be above reproach. I refuse to be a source of gossip for my family. There are rumors, Magnus, and they don’t paint either of us in a favorable light. You know what could happen if we were ever found out.”

“You really think a constable will be banging down our doors about such matters?”

“It wouldn’t be the first time something like that’s happened and with the war overseas, any behavior considered deviant will be cast in the harshest light. It’s too risky, Magnus. We are friends. I hope will continue to be friends. But I’ll still be married by the end of the year.”

Magnus doesn’t say anything for a long moment and then he’s heaving himself up and walking over to the drink cart, splashing a liberal amount of brandy in a glass and tossing it back like it’s water.

“So that’s the end of things.”

“I don’t know what you want from me. We both knew we could never have everything we wanted.”

Alec studies Magnus from across the room and thinks to himself that he’s never seen his best friend look so small, so utterly defeated.

“We were to remain bachelors until old age, darling.” Magnus’s voice is so soft it almost hurts Alec to hear it as he continues, “Our estates are joined and out in the country, there would be no one to know if we lived together. If we shared meals and afternoons in the drawing room and a bed.”

Magnus looks up at that and the look in his eyes flays Alec alive. “It wouldn’t be perfect by any means but we would be together and that’s all I ever wanted. But now, out of nowhere, you tell me you are to be wed to an American heiress. What, are you to father children with her? Live in domestic bliss? Am I to believe that this is anything but a tragedy, not just for you but for your wife and me as well?”

Alec’s throat aches and he can’t find any words to soothe Magnus’s accusations. “It’s better this way,” he offers in a raw voice.

“Is this it, then,” Magnus asks, staring into the fire. “You won’t fight for us? After everything, it comes down to Alec Lightwood being a goddamn coward.”

Alec flinches but doesn’t fight back. “I had hoped we could at least salvage a true friendship, Magnus. Surely after everything, we could do that.”

He watches as Magnus shakes his head, a slow back and forth that seems almost subconscious. “No, Alexander, I don’t think we can. I can’t be simply friends with a man I am in love with. I’m sorry, but I don’t hate myself as much as you do.”

Stricken, Alec stays silent. Magnus clears his throat, backing away from the fire and blinking rapidly before he turns and looks at Alec. “Should the wedding go on, we will become nothing more to each other than acquaintances who meet at the country fêtes and occasionally in London. Everything will be above reproach between us, darling. Mark my words.”

“Goodbye, Magnus.”

Alec watches Magnus walk out of his study and it takes everything he has not to call him back. He watches his heart leave him and wonders that there’s not a bloody trail that leads right out of Lightwood Manor directly to Bane’s estate.

With a sigh, he takes out the letter that had been left for him several days ago. 

_Lightwood,_

_For the small price of 100,000 pounds, I will keep the secret of your association with Bane just that. I give you until the end of the month to come up with the funds. I expect a reply within a fortnight and trust that you will make the right decision._

_Just imagine the trouble that could befall your siblings should your deviancy reach public ears. Not to mention the criminal consequences. . ._

_Sincerely,_

_A Concerned Conscience_

Alec crumples the paper into his fist and throws it into the fire. It might feel like he’s a dying man still breathing but there’s never a world where Alec doesn’t protect those he loves.

As the blackmail letter burns to ash, so do the last of Alec’s dreams.

They meet on a Tuesday and for a brief moment, it feels like the man in front of him is the answer to every single question Alec’s ever had.

It doesn’t take long for Alec to come to his senses however. He looks down at the red string tying his hand to this Magnus and can’t stop an involuntary shudder.

The string feels like shackles.

“Alexander? Do you want to find somewhere to talk? I must admit, I was starting to think I’d never find you.”

Alec takes a step back. He can’t look away from the string connecting him to Magnus, the string that means he’s just met his soulmate.

His soulmate, who’s supposed to be his other half, who is supposed to complete him.

So caught up in his thoughts, Alec doesn’t see the way Magnus’s face falls, the way his warm smile cools into something icy, the way the fire in his eyes grows banked at Alec’s initial rejection.

“I don’t want this,” Alec croaks out.

Magnus’s gaze snaps to his because while he may have anticipated some reticence, surely Alec doesn’t mean what he thinks he does.

“I’m afraid I don’t follow, Alexander.”

Gesturing sharply to the space between them, Alec shakes his head and it’s not frantic. It’s resolute.

Alec looks up to meet Magnus’s eyes and can’t imagine a world where this is a start and not just a tragic ending.

“I’ve never liked the concept of soulmates,” Alec utters and tries to ignore the stab of guilt as Magnus’s face bleaches of all color. “I want to cut our tie.”

“Alec, are you sure? That means neither of us will find another. We’ll both be destined to be alone.”

“I’m sorry, Magnus. I’m sorry you’re stuck with me but I never wanted this.” _I don’t want you_ remains unsaid but heard all the same.

“By all means then,” Magnus replies in a calm voice. “I would never want to force someone to be with me, let alone my supposed soulmate.”

Alec’s breath shudders and while there’s a part insisting he not go through it, there’s already relief trickling through him at being unbound from such a weighted promise. He figures the small part of himself not on board is merely trying to fit into societal ideals. As he steels himself, he pushes down the part that wants nothing more than to fall at Magnus’s feet and declare _something_. Not love but maybe interest. The acknowledgement of possibility.

Fate has never been his friend.

Alec knows himself well enough to know things would never work out with a soulmate, no matter how perfect they supposedly were for him. Alec’s always had himself and he’s always had a choice. 

He chooses this.

“Cut the tie.”

The silence falls in the loft at Magnus’s hushed confession. Alec doesn’t know what to do with the quiet yet sincere words that had just escaped the warlock.

For that’s what he is, all he should be to Alec. The High Warlock of Brooklyn who had done more than enough for shadowhunters for one day.

Still. Alec can’t hide how alluring Magnus is in the low light of the loft as he tells him, “You’ve unlocked something in me.”

Alec opens his mouth but no words come out. He can’t find the right words to string together to tell Magnus that he’s alluring, that he makes Alec think about what could be and the blasphemous wish that duty could fall second to personal desire, just this once.

A ringing phone breaks the tension between them just when it seemed to be reaching its crest and Alec answers the phone only to hear Maryse barking a slew of orders at him. He turns away from Magnus for the duration of the call, not wanting to taint the connection he can feel growing between them with his mother’s venom.

When he hangs up, though, Magnus is still right there. _Close enough to touch_ , Alec’s heart whispers traitorously. 

Still, Alec’s never shirked his duty before and he’s not about to start now, not when he can just see the edge of chaos barreling towards him and his family at the hands of that Fray girl.

“Duty calls,” he explains apologetically and makes some move to leave.

Magnus turns around from the window and takes a few steps closer to him. Alec wonders if the warlock can hear his heart beating fast, way too fast for what should ostensibly be a professional, if friendly, interaction.

“A furrowed brow,” Magnus murmurs before his lips quirk up in a grin. “Maryse must be recruiting you for something unseemly.”

It’s said in jest but Alec sees the bitterness of distaste in Magnus’s gaze and figures now is as good a time as any to leave. He stumbles over his words, not quite sure what he’s trying to say or where he’s trying to go but every thought comes to a halt as he watches Magnus lift a single finger up to his lips.

His eyes follow the gesture and he can’t stop the smile that catches on the corner of his lips at the coyness, at Magnus’s ability to be so confident but relaxed.

It’s a combination Alec sorely needs.

His thoughts focus as Magnus says, “I understand.” And he thinks that’s the end of it but then the warlock just has to take it one step farther. “Stay for one more drink? And then decide?”

Lifting the glass up is a temptation and Alec thinks about what would happen if he accepted. He imagines that he’d share a few hours of Magnus’s company and maybe the warlock would dig his nails into him a little deeper. He imagines the stories Magnus could regale him with and knows that he has a few he could share in turn.

It doesn’t sound bad at all, Alec thinks. Right now, at this moment, there are very few things he’d rather be doing than drinking a too-strong martini in Magnus Bane’s home as he lets the warlock entertain him.

He’s a Lightwood, though. This-- whatever this is-- has never been an option for Alec. The man in front of him is kind and Alec can already see his prejudice cracking at the edges, the lessons painstakingly drilled into his head holding not a candle to the reality in front of him.

Still.

Duty is Alec’s constant companion and it wouldn’t do to shrug it off now.

“I’m sorry,” Alec starts and he sees the smile on Magnus’s face wither a little, right there. “I’d love to, maybe another time. It’s just-- things sounded urgent on the phone--”

Magnus waves him away. “Say no more, darling. I should know better than most that when Maryse Lightwood calls, it wouldn’t do to delay.”

Alec nods once and can’t help but feel like something more precious than he can conceive has just slipped through his fingers. “Listen, Magnus.”

Magnus lifts a finger again but this time it just fills Alec with sadness. “I understand, Alexander.”

The silence of the loft is oppressive as Alec desperately wracks his brain for something to say to ease the tension.

Magnus beats him.

“Go on, shadowhunter. Duty calls.”

Unable to think of anything to say to get that warm look back in Magnus’s eyes, Alec just nods sharply and turns on his heel.

He walks out of the loft and feels a chill down his spine all the way to the Institute.

Annoyed, Alec stumbles into the coffee shop. His hair is dripping and he scowls at the downpour outside before the interior of the shop grabs his attention.

It’s warm and inviting, downright cozy really, and as Alec walks towards the counter, he wonders how he’d never found this place before.

It was on his way home, after all.

So busy staring at the menu, Alec doesn’t notice the barista eyeing him from behind the espresso machine, idly cleaning. Alec jumps when he calls out, “How can I help you today, darling?”

Looking over, Alec’s struck with the man’s good lucks. His brown eyes are friendly and a little flirty and Alec blames that for why he becomes so tongue tied.

Raising a brow, the employee lets him struggle for a moment before smoothly interrupting. “You look like something the cat dragged in during a monsoon. Didn’t you know it was supposed to storm all day?”

Sighing heavily, Alec relaxes against the counter. The barista mirrors him as his expression shifts into bemusement. “I was running late this morning and didn’t have time to look at the weather,” Alec explains sheepishly. “I’m hoping I can spend a little while here and warm up.”

“You’ve come to the right place, then. What can I get you?”

Alec orders a cappuccino but when he pulls out his wallet, he’s waved away.

“Don’t worry about it, darling.” The man winks. “My treat.”

Biting his lip, unsure, Alec finally offers, “Well, I suppose it’s only fair if I get the name of the man who’s treating me to coffee. That’s damn near third base for me.”

He’s delighted to hear the man’s laugh as he starts foaming the milk. “My name is Magnus and I’m the owner of this little establishment. What’s your name?”

“Alec.”

Smiling at the machine, Magnus focuses on the task at hand before he throws out, “Take a seat, Alec, and I’ll bring your coffee to you.”

They both look out into mostly empty coffee shop before Magnus dryly tacks on, “I’m sure you can find a place.”

Looking at his watch, Alec sees it’s that weird time of the afternoon when dinner is nearer than lunch but still too far away to linger. He picks a seat by the window and people watches. There are a considerable number of unlucky bastards like him who have caught themselves out in the storm and he grumbles in sympathy as he sees a woman run into a puddle wearing heels.

“Here you go, Alec. If you need anything else, just let me know.”

Magnus is by his elbow for a brief moment to set down his coffee but he retreats without a backwards glance, gone before Alec has time to look away from the window.

He calls out a thanks, nonetheless, and brings the cup up to his lips to blow across its surface. He spends an hour like that, watching the rain and the people.

Magnus stays busy behind the counter and it’s not as awkward as Alec might have thought, to be the only person here. A few people wander in and order something before immediately leaving after they get their coffee but mostly, it’s just him and Magnus.

As the sun starts to set on the horizon, Magnus comes back over with a to-go cup in his hand.

Alec looks up at him quizzically. “I didn’t order this.”

Smiling, Magnus’s free hand comes up to run along the cuff in his ear. “I thought you might be near empty and you don’t strike me as the type of person to cut caffeine from their diet before dark.”

Alec frowns a little and reaches resolutely for his wallet, only to still when Magnus’s hand comes up to cover his. “On the house,” the barista says quietly and flashes a last smile before taking a step back and turning towards the counter.

Watching him leave, Alec can’t help his own smile at such generosity. Taking that as a sign that he should probably start towards home, Alec stands and grabs his to go coffee.

He waves cheerfully at Magnus on his way out and is glad when the man in question waves back in a gesture just as unexpectedly awkward yet endearing.

The rain has stopped and the sun has just started peaking out from behind grey clouds as Alec strolls down the still-empty streets.

He’s almost to his apartment when he hazards a look down and sees writing on the cup.

Stopping in the middle of the sidewalk he sees a phone number and a little message.

_How about another drink sometime. Your treat?_

Alec grins and before he quite knows what he’s doing, he’s taking his phone out and entering a new contact.

He manages to wait until he’s inside his place before he can’t take it anymore. The barista was cute and kind and anyone who can brew a cup of coffee as good as the one Alec had this afternoon has to be damn near perfect for him.

With all of his thoughts revolving around _yes_ , Alec texts Magnus. He has a good feeling about this.

It’s an innocuous enough start for a story that never ends.

**Author's Note:**

> Catch me on tumblr or twitter @carmenlire!


End file.
